


Starting Tomorrow

by LFMH021



Series: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow - Our Truths [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Be careful on standing on the edge people, But also flashbacks of fluff, But yes angggssstttt, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Im always hurting Neil Im sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oh look a spoiler, This has become part 1 of a two-parts series to bring justice to some parts of the fic hahaha, flashbacks of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 00:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11955870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFMH021/pseuds/LFMH021
Summary: Love doesn’t just make the past disappear. Love doesn’t just cure mental illnesses.Andrew knows a good day when he experiences one. In fact, he will not voice it out loud but he believes that the moment he opens his eyes for a new day only to meet beautiful, piercing blue ones is good enough to warrant the said title.But there is this kind of days too. Days when he will push everyone away. Days when he feels the hands of those who abused him still lingering on his skin. Days when he could not find a good reason enough to wake up. Days when he wants to stand on the rooftop’s ledge and take a step forward to oblivion.Of course, Neil will never let him. That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t try. He never expected what it would cost him, though.[Or if you watched Koe no Katachi/A Silent Voice, this is an Andreil remake of Nishimiya’s suicide attempt, and the hospital scene.]





	Starting Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I apologise in advance if I butcher their characterisation, I am literally struggling to get each of them right. And God, I’m gonna write in Andrew’s point of view, pray for me. Second, this ideas has been bugging me for weeks so I finally typed it down since I’m done with exams! Third, I’m no medical expert so ignore my gibberish with medical stuff in this ficlet. Fourth, tisssueeesss if you’re an emotional person. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide attempts, Flashbacks of Rape or Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks of what happened to Neil in Baltimore, Mental Illness Mention
> 
> Have fun!
> 
> Edited: As you may noticed, this has become a part of a series. It will have a part two or sequel to bring justice to some scenes which have made some uncomfortable or disgruntled. The sequel will be up soon. Thank you for the kudos and comments! Really appreciated them, and will reply to them soon! 
> 
> Enjoyyyy~

Andrew knows a good day when he experiences one. In fact, he will not voice it out loud but he believes that the moment he opens his eyes for a new day only to meet beautiful, piercing blue ones is good enough to warrant the said title.

Today would be a good day. He woke up when the sun began to rise, and the sun rays started to blind him even behind his closed eyelids. He squinted at the drawn curtains and looked down from his upper bunk bed, only to meet icy blue eyes already looking back at him.

Neil blinked at him from where he laid down on his own bed, arms stretched over his head, and blanket half on him and half down on the floor. His shirt rode up and revealed parts of his scarred yet toned stomach. “Hi.”

He blinked back. “Hi,” He replied. “No morning run today?” He expected for the red-head to be gone for an hour already like his usual routine for the last few days.

Neil shook his head and stood up to pop his back. “It’s my cheat day.”

He waited for the other to elaborate but got only a knowing grin instead. He glared at Neil, and snapped, “Care to explain?”

He listened to Neil talk as he made his bed, and went down the ladder. He stepped on the ground after, and watched as Neil rummaged through his drawers while also telling a story, “Well, while I was hanging out last Wednesday with the girls before you came from your weekly session, I heard Katelyn mention this thing called: ‘Cheat Day,’ on her diet. Apparently, she had been neglecting a healthy lifestyle for awhile and decided to go into a diet with Tuesday as her weekly cheat day. When I asked Allison about it, she gave more information about this thing so I proclaimed to Kevin that I will have a running cheat day, which is Friday, and an I-will-have-no-bullshit-from-Kevin cheat day which is Monday.”

He grabbed the sweatshirt Neil has picked for the day,  and took whatever pants he could from the closet.

“Hey, that’s mi—“

He held a finger up to interrupt Neil. “I don’t care. And for your story, you could has said the last sentence and I would have gotten the idea already.”

Neil smirked. “Thought of that too, but I figured since you like my smart mouth so much, I should tell you the whole thing instead.”

He rolled his eyes. “Because of that stupid response of yours, I will use the bathroom first.”

“But—“

Again, he held a finger up. “Today is my cheat day,” he said, and strode towards the bathroom.

“Cheat day from literally what?” Neil grunted.

He looked through the door he still hadn’t closed and answered blankly, “Cheat day from your bullshit.”

He ignored the way his whole body felt like it had warmed from the way he made Neil laugh out loud.

It was going to be a good day.

And the whole day went on like that. Even if it was same as their usual days in Palmetto State University as their school’s Exy Foxes, Andrew made sure he remembered every second of it because it was the kind of day that made him actually glad he opened his eyes to be curious enough what the day would hold for him.

 

But there is this kind of days too. Days when he will push everyone away. Days when he feels the hands of those who abused him still lingering on his skin. Days when he could not find a good reason enough to wake up. Days when he wants to stand on the rooftop’s ledge and take a step forward to oblivion.

It started with a nightmare. No, a memory. A memory he couldn’t make his head erase because of his damn eidetic memory.

Now that he thought more about it, it was more of a scramble of various painful memories making him claw for consciousness in his sleep. He woke up from his deep slumber with a jolt, pulling a knife from under his pillows and pointing it towards the foolish person who called his name when he was still drowning in his memories.

His eyes adjusted, and his heart started to slow down when he realised that the one who whispered his name was no other than Neil. The auburn-head had climbed up the ladder, and checked him out. It didn’t really help that Neil didn’t even seem a single bit afraid of the violence he saw in Andrew’s eyes, and ignored the way the knife was less than an inch away from slitting his throat. Instead, his beautiful blue eyes showed nothing but concern for the man ready to kill him while asleep.

“Andrew.”

He controlled his breathing and slowly pulled the knife away. “Time.”

“Three sixteen in the morning.”

He shut his eyes tightly, calculating how long he still had to endure the darkness before the sun rises. He wasn’t afraid of the darkness. He just despised the memories blackness reminded him of.

“I will sleep on the beanbag. If you need anything, just tell me.”

“I need you to leave me alone. I do not want to see your face.”

Neil nodded with a solemn expression. “I will warn the others when they wake up to quiet down, as well.” With that, he silently climbed down the ladder and walked towards the living area, fulfilling his promise.

Andrew gritted his teeth and opened his eyes to stare at the knife in his hand. The whole moon’s brightness made the knife glint evilly against the darkness surrounding him. He blinked quickly when he saw blood covering it from top to bottom. The moment he refocused his attention, he realised it was just his imagination.

_A murderer always just few seconds away from killing the only person that made him feel alive._

 

Neil arose with a sore back, but he had no regrets if it helped Andrew in anyway. The way the bunkbed moved as Andrew reacted against nightmares terrified Neil. They had their fair share of nightmare-ish memories they would not be able to easily forget. And Andrew’s eidetic memory never truly helped the blond.

If he could find ways to help Andrew, he would have done it already. People usually regarded him as the only person who could truly discern Andrew, his expressions, and the real meaning behind his words, but Neil was still new to _this._

All of his life, he was focused on himself.

He walked inside the bedroom rubbing his back. He blinked when he saw Andrew still on his bed, buried under his blanket, head until nose the only visible to others. The bags under his eyes were obvious proofs that he was not able to fall asleep ever since Neil woke him up earlier.

Few meters away, he heard Kevin falling down his own bed with a grunt.

He looked up and whispered, “Bad day?”

Andrew nodded stiffly.

He put his hands inside his sweatpants’ pockets, and bit his bottom lip. “Do you need anything?”

A shake of the blond’s head.

He sighed. “A pint of ice cream?”

A blink.

He winced, and Andrew turned his head when Kevin strode noisily inside their room. “Hey, Andrew, aren’t you supposed to use the bathroom already? The practice starts early today.”

He rolled his eyes at the ex-Raven’s obliviousness, and looked back at Andrew, who was staring back at him blankly. “Do you want to attend the practice today?”

A slight furrow of the brows.

He nodded, and waved airily at Kevin. “You go on and use the bathroom first, Kev. I haven’t prepared my clothes yet.”

Kevin frowned at Andrew. “What about him?”

“Are you stupid? He’s not attending practice today,” he said and pulled open his drawer to grab some clothes for practice and a pair for changing after.

Kevin huffed. “Bullshit. We have an important game next week, Neil. We cannot afford to relax in anyway. If you want the team to reach the finals, we cannot wish for a miracle. Andrew needs to—“

“Andrew is not going to attend the practice today, Kevin. He’s having a bad day, and if you want me to also be absent today, you will shut up or I will use my vice-captaincy powers and make Coach bench you for a week for no reason, asshole,” He snapped.

Kevin opened his mouth, and paled when Neil finally turned at him.

“Understood?” He snarled.

The dark-head clicked his tongue, and stormed towards the bathroom, facing defeat.

He rolled his eyes, grabbed his duffel bag and shoved his changing clothes inside before closing the zippers. He stood on his toes to look directly at the silent blond on the upper bunk. “Call me anytime you need me, and I will run back as soon as I can.” Silence. “Can I drive the Maserati for today?”

A nod.

He smiled slightly and grabbed his phone. “See you later, Andrew.”

Before he closed the door, he heard the blond whisper, “Bye, Neil.” He almost paused, but stopped himself, and continued outside, hiding the smile on his face and the wrath in his eyes as he thought that the ones who made Andrew suffer didn’t suffer enough in return.

 

Andrew still felt dirty.

He still felt dirty even after he had taken a half an hour bath.

He still felt dirty even after he had scrubbed himself countless of times.

He still felt filthy even after he hid his scars with the use of his matching armbands with Neil.

He had already called Bee, but for some reason, he found that he couldn’t even open his mouth to say anything to her. She seemed to understand and told him pointless stories about some patients she had before. Before he hung up, he murmured, “Bee, they won’t disappear.”

“Andrew—“

He could not tell her that he was tempted to pull a knife out and slice his arm again because he felt nothing but he also felt _everything._ He gritted his teeth and hung up on her. He threw his phone across the room, and did not even bother to grab a bottle of liquor or a box of cigarettes as he stormed up to the roof.

He slammed open the door and walked quickly towards the ledge. He welcomed the fear that crawled in his heart as he stood on the ledge and looked far ahead.

For some reason, he wanted to jump.

He was afraid of heights and falling but he wanted to feel the wind blowing his hair and gravity pulling him down once he takes that step forward.

Among everything, he wanted the memories to fade.

He could jump.

But Neil would be upset at him if he did that.

He could jump and get rid of the pain.

Yet he couldn’t bear the thought of still waking up after his failed attempt and seeing the disappointed looks his family would throw at him after.

He could jump and finally be able to fall asleep without the memories lingering and threatening to enrapture him again.

However, could he even leave his family behind?

He could jump since he didn’t have any deal to fulfil anymore anyway.

He could jump.

There’s still time before the others would come back from practice.

He could jump.

He would jump.

 

He stepped out of the gym with still dripping wet hair. He pulled the Maserati’s key out of his duffel and went ahead of the others to start the engine.

Matt, Dan, Allison and Renee piled inside Matt’s truck beside their car. Matt rolled down the window and grinned at him. “Katelyn asked us to help her and the cheerleading group to air out the foam they use for practice since they were accidentally left out in the rain the other day and smelled badly after. You mind if we go ahead?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll see you back in the tower.” He waved as the girls waved and shouted noncoherent words at him from the bacvkseat. Matt waved back and stepped onto the accelerator to race ahead.

He blinked when Kevin sat on the passenger seat. Kevin raised an eyebrow at him, but he replied with a shrug since Andrew did not say anything about anyone other than Neil occupying the seat in front when Andrew was not the one driving.

Aaron, Nicky and Katelyn occupied the seats at the back. “Hi, Neil!” The cheerleader greeted enthusiastically. He waved a hand, and met her eyes through the rearview mirror before stepping on the gas.

He had been pumped to go back to the dorm the moment Coach dismissed them half an hour earlier than what was intended. He easily manipulated the car to pass by some of the slow ones on the way, and arrived just two minutes after Matt and the girls did.

He locked the car the moment the others had gone out of the Maserati. He cursed as he searched for their room’s key. He walked inside the front door and ran up the stairs, heart accelerating for some reason. It was a Sunday and almost everyone slept in since the saw only few students roaming around the area when they were still outside.

He opened their room’s door and found it eerily quiet. “Andrew?” He called out as he walked inside the bedroom. He blinked when he found Andrew’s phone on the floor, looking as if it was thrown at the wall. He looked at their bedside table and found that Andrew left an unopened box of cigarettes and lighter there – things he would never forget if he would walk up the roof. He gulped and ran out of the room as swiftly as he could.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he hastily opened it to read the message Matt sent:

_Wat is Andrew doing up on the roof? O.O_

Swallowing his fear, he took the stairs two at a time, and opened the door as quietly as he could. His eyes widened when he saw Andrew standing on the edge with his arms raised and swaying against the wind.

“Andrew,” He murmured, and took a shaky step forward, disbelieving despite what he was currently seeing.

Andrew was swaying dangerously towards the front.

Neil forced his feet to take more steps to fill the gap between the two of them.

The blond let his arms fall, and finally took a step forward towards nothing.

“Andrew!” Neil screamed, and scrambled towards the blond. He used everything that he had, all of the running ability most people were envious of, and grabbed Andrew’s arm with his two hands even if half of his body was also on the edge of falling along with Andrew. He used his feet on the raised ledge to ensure that he had foundation to pull Andrew upwards despite gravity doing the complete opposite.

Andrew looked up at him, as if just realising that Neil had stopped his attempt. He blinked up at him.

He frowned and panted, “Hang on tight, Andrew.”

“Let me go, Neil, or we’ll both fall.” The detachment in his voice did not help the cold dread filling Neil’s entire being.

“Asshole, no!” He growled.

Something like disbelief finally flashed through the blond’s eyes. “If you still do not get it, I attempted to jump, Neil. I attempted suicide. I attempted to _die_.”

“I fucking know!” He snarled. “And I will not let you go that easily.”

“Let me go.”

“No.”

Andrew frowned slightly. “Neil—“

“Starting tomorrow, I’ll pay more attention.”

This made the blond stop.

His back and legs were starting to hurt, and he saw flashes of some movements down on the ground, but he made sure his eyes didn’t leave Andrew’s, and that the blond did not slip even just half an inch downwards. “Starting tomorrow, I won’t leave you with your demons.”

Andrew’s other hand twitched.

He did not let any tear drop, but he did notice the way his voice cracked as he whispered, “Andrew, starting tomorrow, I’ll become a better partner.” A pause. “Hold onto the edge and pull yourself, Andrew?”

He did not say please but he hoped that the way he said the last part held as much desperation as he wanted to convey. He bit his lip when Andrew stopped himself halfway from holding onto the edge.

“Starting tomorrow, I will…I’ll love you better. So,” He took a deep breath and said firmly, “don’t leave me like this. Not like this.”

Andrew’s jaw clenched. He gradually raised his arm and made his hand hold onto the edge.

“I’ll pull you so push yourself until you’re back up here,” he commanded. “In three. One, two and three.” With this signal, he used his remaining strength to pull the blond back. Andrew used the hours of training he did in the gym, and pushed himself up with the help of using his feet on the concrete as more support.

Just as Andrew had half of his upper body on the roof, the wind blew heavily and one of his feet slipped. Neil pulled even harder as Andrew flinched in surprise from almost falling down again.

The moment Andrew had one of his feet on the roof, and Neil almost was done with his job, the wind blew again, and he lost momentum. Out of exertion, he swayed and with half of his upper body still hanging on the edge, it was not really a surprise that gravity effortlessly pulled him down.

And before he knew it, he was in the air. The last thing he heard was Andrew’s frightened call of his name as he fell. “Neil!”

 

Andrew found himself paralysed as he watched Neil fall down the roof after ensuring that Andrew was safely back.

If not for a pair of arms wrapping around his waist, he would have jumped onto the edge again just to grab for Neil, even if he knew his effort would be worthless.

He thrashed and shouted, “Neil!” Because he hoped that if ever it was the last time Neil would hear his voice, the last thing he would hear would be his _real_ name.

He squirmed, and elbowed whoever was preventing him from moving. The other grunted in pain. Andrew ran towards the edge and looked over. He watched as Matt winced while holding one of his shoulders. Dan was frantically telling something on the other line of the phone against her ear. Renee had a terrified Katelyn in her arms. Allison was saying things and gently tapping Neil’s cheek to make him open his eyes and not fall asleep. Aaron knelt beside Neil, checking for pulse. He looked over his shoulder, and Katelyn immediately knelt beside him and typed down in her phone things Andrew’s twin spouted. Nicky was crying. And Kevin was standing frozen and pale as he stared at Neil’s body.

Andrew understood what just transpired. Matt used the practice mats the cheerleading team was airing outside as support to catch Neil but it wasn’t much of help with the gravitation pull and Neil’s momentum.

“Andrew.”

He turned and finally faced the one who stopped him from going after the auburn-head.

Wymack was staring at him solemnly. “The medical team is on their way. I’m going with them. Abby has gone to call Bee. You can follow after you talk to her.”

He badly wanted to be the one to be with Neil inside the ambulance once it arrived, but he also knew that his mind couldn’t come up with a good enough reason to even approach Neil’s body at the moment, so he surrendered and nodded.

 

He stayed in their dorm room as he waited for any news for Neil’s condition. He did not know how many minutes or hours had gone by. But after staring mutely at the wall, there was a knock on his door. “Andrew? I was given permission to go inside the Fox Tower to have a proper talk with you. May I come in?”

“Yes.” His voice sounded raw and unrecognizable.

The doorknob twisted and Bee walked in silently. He watched her silently until she settled on the swivelling seat the desk was accompanied with. She twisted until they were face to face but had that usual distance between them.

He actually missed the smell of the hot chocolate she usually gave him on their Wednesday sessions. Right now, the room smelled like the cigarettes he and Neil used, and the ice cream Andrew had last night for dinner. He forced himself not to look at the chair beside Bee, which has Neil’s laundry.

“Andrew.”

“Bee.”

She smiled slightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Nothing.”

She nodded. “Is it true you were about to jump from the roof?”

He stared at her for a minute before firmly replying, “Yes.”

“May I ask why?”

He looked down at the clenched fists on his lap, and gritted out, “I had a horrible nightmare early this morning, Bee. It’s the kind of nightmare wherein I felt like I experienced my childhood from the moment my eidetic memory has been switched on until before I became a Fox.”

“So, basically, you had a nightmare of all of your bad memories jumbled together as if you had gone through your terrible years all over again?”

He nodded. She watched him, and waited because she had learned when he still wanted to spill some things and when to speak herself. “I felt dirty. I felt like their hands still lingered around my body. I felt like I could also become the monster they once were. I felt like the memories would never fade. I felt, Bee. I _fucking felt.”_

“And you loathed feeling.”

He didn’t respond. She knew the answer.

“But, Andrew, tell me, when have you started feeling?”

It was not particularly an event. It was a name. A person. “Neil.”

And Bee understood with her understanding gaze. “I am not here to interrogate you or make you re-live the earlier minutes. However, I come before you to ask you: ‘Will you try doing this again?’ Because, Andrew, I need to prepare.”

“Prepare to stop me?”

“No one could really stop you unless you want to. But I do want to prepare to tell you so many reasons why you shouldn’t.”

“Pray tell me three reasons,” He mocked.

She saw through his mask. “You’re afraid of heights. Two, your death is not guaranteed since it’s not such a high building. Three, Neil would jump after you.”

He withheld his flinch. When he blinked, he saw how their hands had gone apart the moment Neil fell into the air. When he turned to nothing. “He already did.”

“Andrew, Wymack told me that from where they had seen you, Neil was shouting things at you. You apparently did not want to go back up on the roof but Neil was able to convince you.” It was a statement so he didn’t respond. “Andrew,”

“What, do you want me to tell you what he told me?”

She shook her head. “No. That’s yours to keep. But I do want you to tell me if you ever want to see the emotions you saw in Neil’s face again. Tell me if you want to hear Neil say such things again just to make sure you live.”

_Starting tomorrow, I’ll pay more attention._

_Starting tomorrow, I won’t leave you to your demons._

_Starting tomorrow, I will become a better partner._

He looked straight at Bee, and knew that his mask slipped when she smiled sadly and handed him the cup she had between her hands.

_Starting tomorrow, I will…I’ll love you better._

He accepted her offer. But didn’t drink it. “Bee, what did I do to deserve him?”

She smiled and he didn’t understand how she could smile at _him_. “You gave him a home, Andrew. You gave him yourself.”

 

Unexpectedly, the ones who told him Neil’s condition was Aaron.

And it was through a text message.

_Neil’s stable. Room 402. Fourth floor._

Bee redeemed him stable enough to drive, and after making him promise that he would call her whenever he needed to, she set him go.

He drove a ten minute drive in five. He did not count how many violations he had done since he did not care.

The only thing he cared about was the fact that it has been four hours ever since Neil was taken to the hospital.

He parked few cars away from Matt’s truck and sprinted inside. He did not bother to hear the nurses in the reception asking him what his intention was and who he intended to visit.

He did not wait for the lift to arrive, and used the stairs instead. Going up two steps at a time.

Neil’s room was at the farthest towards the west of the fourth floor. It was beside a huge window panel which could be used to admire the city below. Andrew did not have time for that, though.

Panting heavily, he knocked thrice on the door which had the number ‘402’ embedded on it. Beside the door was a small transparent, rectangular sign block with a printed paper ‘Neil Josten’ inserted in it.

After a minute, the door opened to reveal Matt with his arm in a cast. The backliner’s face darkened the moment he saw Andrew. “Oh, it’s you.”

He ignored the cold greeting, and was about to step inside when Matt used his huge build to block his path. There was no bodily contact but Andrew took a step backwards, anyway. “Let me in, Boyd.”

“No.” Firm. Solid. Unquestionable.

“I am not asking for permission. You will do as I say. I need to see Neil.”

Matt threw his arms to block him. Andrew couldn’t see a single glimpse of Neil or even the striker’s bed from where he stood, and it made him agitated enough to want to punch the backliner out of his way. “No.”

“Fuck you if you think I care about your opinion, Boyd.”

“Fuck you for thinking it’s just my opinion. This is me telling you you’re not welcome inside.”

He glared daggers at Matt, and clenched his fists at his sides. His palms were itching to pull his knives out. Yet he knew how Neil would react if he found out. However, he had no idea if Neil would even find out.

“I will not hesitate to slit your throat.”

“Nor will I hesitate to throw a punch at you. I don’t care if Neil will get angry at me after. You cannot come inside.”

He was about to use his whole strength to push Matt out when the backliner suddenly slammed the door shut at his face.

He gritted his teeth and growled, “Fuck you.”

“They threw you out too?”

He turned and saw his twin standing few feet away from his right. His hands were shoved inside his hoodie’s pockets. He had a bruise blooming on his left cheek.

“Allison slapped me after I remarked that they weren’t exactly wise enough to think you wanted to jump from the roof, and that they were foolish enough to think cheerleading practice mats could actually help. If they thought of what you planned immediately, someone among them would have gone after Josten and saved you both. Matt then kicked me out of Neil’s room.”

He did not care. His deal to protect Aaron was broken months ago. “Neil?”

Aaron leaned his shoulder against the window pane, and answered with his gaze casted outside, “A lot of broken yet mendable bones, especially on his middle. His head also sustained injury.” There was a pause, and Andrew knew it would be something horrible the moment his twin looked back at him. “He’s in coma.”

It was not supposed to hurt.

But it did.

“Coach and Kevin went back to ensure that the freshmen are not spreading rumors, and are not causing havocs. Abby is talking with the doctor and nurses in charge, hoping for a miracle. Katelyn accompanied her. Nicky is inside with Matt and the girls. He has been ugly-crying since Neil fell. Renee had broken her necklace with how tightly she grasped onto it. Dan and Matt are trying hard to remain strong. Allison has called everyone she knew to look for a better hospital if she thought it was necessary.” He and Aaron settled into a tense staring contest.

He turned to head back outside.

“Andrew.”

He halted and didn’t turn.

“You really are my twin.”

He waited for an explanation.

“We just had this knack of unconsciously hurting the ones we love.”

And fuck his brother for being correct.

He stormed outside, and head towards the side of the building. It was deserted apart from some cards parked and scattered meters from him.

He leaned his back at the wall and slid until he was seated on the cold ground.

_Starting tomorrow, I’ll pay more attention._

_Starting tomorrow, I will not leave you to your demons._

_Starting tomorrow, I will become a better partner._

_Starting tomorrow, I will…I’ll love you better._

“You don’t have tomorrow, bastard,” he seethed, pulled his knees and wrapped his arms them before hiding his face on his knees. “I don’t have a tomorrow.”

 

He returned the next day, and was faced with a red-nosed and puffed-eyed Allison. She seethed the moment their eyes met.

“No.”

He had enough of that response.

He scoffed, and pushed her away, but she quickly stood her ground and blocked his entrance. Behind the blonde was Dan, her arms crossed and jaw clenched tightly. Nicky was also inside sniffing while staring at them.

“Did you really think I would let you see Neil after what just happened? What the fuck were you thinking, Minyard? Did you really believe Neil would let you jump that easily? Did you fucking even think how much Neil is willing to sacrifice to keep you safe?” She growled.

“I don’t have time for your bullshit—“

“Do you even fucking care, asshole?” Dan screamed.

“What do you fucking want me to do?” He snapped.

“To stay away from this door. To stay away from Neil.”

He clenched a fist and was about to throw a punch at Dan when a hand grabbed his wrist and yanked him back. He flinched and punched the one who stopped him instead. Kevin stumbled onto the ground right after Andrew threw a fist at his stomach.

“Fuck,” Kevin swore in pain.

“You know better than anyone not to touch me without permission, Day,” He stated and rubbed his knuckles. When he turned, he found out that the girls had locked him out again.

He cussed and kicked the door even if it didn’t budge from the action.

 

Four days has passed, and no one had granted him permission to enter Neil’s room yet.

Everytime he tried to sneak in, one of the upperclassmen would be inside, waiting to shut him out.

He depended on Renee and Nicky for updated. Nicky’s crying mess was better than the others’ silence. Renee’s photos of the doctor’s prescription and updates were better than the door slamming on his face whenever he visited.

Kevin was thrown out as well when the upperclassmen felt like all he cared about was what Ichirou Moriyama would think with what happened to Neil. However, they did not see what Andrew saw. They did not see the way Kevin talked with NCAA just to ensure that Neil’s name would still appear on their line-up. They did not see how Kevin stared a little longer at Neil’s abandoned racket in their locker room. They did not see how Kevin sometimes missed his passes because he thought Neil was there to catch wherever he threw the ball.

And Andrew. Andrew had tried to enter first thing in the morning and before going to bed for the last four days.

Even the upperclassmen seemed surprised with his determination to see Neil.

He did not say ‘please.’ He would never utter that word again.

He did not beg. He did not know such an action.

He knew how to survive, though. He knew that the only way he would survive was to have Neil by his side.

 

It had been a week, and he was half-asleep while sitting on one of the seats in the waiting area when someone stood right in front of him. He blinked and looked up.

Renee smiled warmly down at him. “I’m in charge today.”

He blinked again.

“And I am giving you permission to enter Neil’s room.”

He did not acknowledge the way his blood pumped steadily around his body. He did not acknowledge the way his heart seemed to have started beating a little faster. He did acknowledge the way tears seemed to have pooled on the corner of his eyes.

Renee clasped her hands together, and whispered, “He’s waiting for you, Andrew.”

He rapidly stood up, and sprinted up the stairs. He twisted the doorknob and was waiting for someone to slam it on his face again but no one did. He opened the door and finally saw Neil’s sleeping figure on the white bed.

The heart monitor was beating steadily beside the auburn-head. The room smelled like antiseptic.

The whole place had the aura of looming death.

Andrew had always hated hospitals.

He approached the bed and sat on the stool situated beside Neil’s bed. He carefully lifted one of Neil’s hands and pressed the other’s cold palm on his cheek.

“Hey,” He whispered. It cracked, and sounded hoarse with the lack of use.

No response.

“You have used up all of your opportunities on scaring me. You have given me promises you haven’t fulfilled yet. You have given me a life I haven’t lived yet.”

Silence answered him.

He missed Neil’s voice.

“The others told me you’re in coma but are you really letting that fall take your life? You survived countless torture already. Your father has finally been eradicated from your life. Are you actually going to give up when you’re just begun?” He whispered.

He missed Neil’s smart mouth.

“You have to wake up.” He paused and pursed his lips. “Starting tomorrow, I won’t stand on the rooftop’s edge again.”

Nothing.

“Starting tomorrow, I won’t let my demons become stronger than what we have.”

Still nothing.

“Starting tomorrow, Neil, I will be more vocal. Starting tomorrow, I will become better with this.” The problem was that Andrew knew this was absolute, and would be something he could not turn back from once he had let it affect him.

And he knew it was too late to turn back.

He pressed gentle kisses on Neil’s burnt knuckles. “Starting tomorrow, I will love you better.” The pain was welcome because he knew he deserved it. The way it hurt was not surprising because he knew he did it to himself. But that emptiness that was supposed to be filled already was something he craved for. “So,” He took a deep breath. “So, give me a tomorrow I can look forward to.”

He leaned his forehead against the back of Neil’s hand. “Seeing you like this hurts like hell.” He gritted his teeth and grasped Neil’s hand between his own two hands. “Wake up. Wake up.”

 

He was on his favourite spot of the hospital since he did not want to go back to the dorm and see the bunk bed below him still empty. He could not go back inside again, seeing a trace of Neil wherever his eyes landed to.

Here, with the rain pouring, the moon still shining and memories flashing in his head, he felt like he was a little closer to Neil.

_“I had outgrown my hair before, you know,” Neil whispered as they sat on the roof with cigarette smoke blown with the wind. The sunset made Neil more beautiful than what should be necessary._

_Neil turned to look at him, and pointed his own shoulder. “This long. I did not cut it for a year, and I used it to hide my face from passer-bys. Mom cut it when we went to the next country because a guy with long hair was a head-turner to where we went to next. I burned my cut hair because it could be used to test my DNA. My hair color was then was black. It felt surreal to remember it.”_

_He gave no response but knew that Neil did not need one. He looked down when he felt Neil tap on the back of his hand. “Can I?” He blinked and then nodded._

_The auburn-head then tentatively linked his pinky with Andrew’s. With that, he continued with his stories._

 

_Kevin glared at Neil. “Are you serious?”_

_Neil hugged the plushie close to his chest. “Hey, you use your money for everything Exy. I use mine for what I want.”_

_“And you choose a Fox plushie?_ Really?”

_“You’re just envious. It’s the last one after all,” Neil grunted and hugged the half-his-size plushie tighter._

_“Neil, just buy nutritious food or anything to related to Exy instead. I am not going to wake up everyday just to see you snuggling with that.”_

_“I’m getting it.”_

_“No.”_

_“I’m getting it.”_

_“Why are you so fucking childish—“_

_“Because I had no childhood. Sue me for not having anything to snuggle with. I apologise for being too busy surviving,” Neil snarled._

_Andrew watched as something akin to sadness flash in those piercing blue eyes._

_“I know that, I just—“_

_He interrupted with, “He’s getting the plushie, Kevin. Shut the fuck up.”_

_Kevin was about to protest until he grabbed the displayed knife few feet away and pointed it at the ex-Raven. The latter quickly shut his mouth._

_Andrew knew the fight was worth it when he saw Neil actually talking to the Fox toy before going to bed. He even named him ‘Foxy.’ It was disgusting yet adorable._

_Andrew whipped when insults were thrown at them._

_Nicky had always been open with his sexuality. But that did not mean he was not affected with words thrown at him._

_He was just lifting his fist when Neil took quickly strides and kicked the drunk man on the stomach. Just when the man was crouching in pain, the auburn head then kicked him sideways._

_“Fuck you,” Neil growled and ushered Nicky out of the bar._

_People thought of Neil as someone soft. They sometimes forgot he grew in violence and jugged edges which his mother called as love._

_He was nothing but soft._

_“105%.”_

_Neil just grinned at him._

Someone sat beside him. And his eyes widened when a familiar voice murmured, “Starting tomorrow, it will be full moon. Must be a nice view from the roof.”

He slowly turned his head, and he could not believe his eyes as Neil, still dressed in his hospital gown and also dripping wet because of the rain, smiled up at the sky, as if he was not standing on the edge of his life minutes ago.

“I snuck out,” Neil explained with a smug look. “Hurt like hell, but I needed to look for you.”

He could not find his voice.

“Hey, I heard your promises, and you promised me that starting tomorrow, you’ll be more vocal.” He squinted at Andrew’s wristwatch. “It’s 12:03 in the midnight now. Does this count as tomorrow?”

Fuck him.

“You’re alive,” He whispered.

“Pretty sure a little fall won’t kill me that easily. Been tortured more heavily before, after all,” The striker answered smugly. He tentatively leaned his head on Andrew’s shoulder and when the blond let him be, he grew more comfortable with the position.

Instead of answering Neil, Andrew heaved a sigh, and whispered, “It will be a good day.”

Neil linked their pinkies.  “It will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> ENDING KINDA RUSHED, SORRY.
> 
> I, APPARENTLY, CANNOT WRITE ANYTHING UNDER 2,000 WORDS HAHAHAHA
> 
> EDITED AND ADDED: I HAVEN'T REPLIES TO ANY OF YOUR COMMENTS YET; SORRY. I WILL. SOON. PROMISE.  
> AFTER MUCH THINKING I HAVE MADE THE DECISION TO WRITE A PART TWO OR SEQUEL TO THIS FICLET. TO BRING WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN ANDREW AND THE UPPERCLASSMEN SOME JUSTICE HAHAHA WILL WRITE IT SOON~
> 
> If you want, you can yell, rage of scream at me on my [Tumblr](http://lovefadesminehas021.tumblr.com/)
> 
> OR [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lfmh021?lang=en)
> 
> KUDOS AND ESPECIALLY COMMENTS ARE SUPER APPRECIATED! Thankies~


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